Journey to the Center of the Earth, 2.5/5

Rated PG. Click here to view the trailer

Journey to the Center of the Earth is a very, very mediocre throw-away excuse for a movie that is pulled back from the brink by Brendon Frasier and his inexplicable yet undeniable charm.

Hopefully you know the basic plot of Jules Verne's 1864 classic sci-fi novel of the same title. In this film, Frasier plays a modern-day geology professor who takes spelunking to new heights (depths) as he, his nephew treat Verne's book not as science fiction, but as factual diary and field manual and try to retrace his steps.

Frasier the only reason why this movie doesn't suck. I don't know what it is about him, but he's a likeable guy who can sell the ridiculous line. When he tries to lecture his students on the finer points of geological theory, you're more likely to grin than you are to grimace. Every time he sets his jaw and tries to look intense, all I can think of is Encino Man. I think Frasier knows this and doesn't care. That's why it works.

The other actors are wholly forgettable. Josh Hutcherson plays the nephew whose iPhone is eaten by a giant sea monster (likely voiding the warranty) and Anita Briem is pretty bland as Hot Icelandic Mountain Guide (seriously, they call her that). An interesting bit of trivia via IMDB: Briem's special interests include travelling, encountering different cultures, reading and spending time with family. What a dynamic woman!

Those who have read the book can be safe in assuming the movie will end pretty much the same way, but the movie telegraphs this even more by having Frasier's explain the entire plot of the book half way in. There's tipping your hand and then there's Journey to the Center of the Earth. Since there can be no suspense as a result of the plot, the movie tries (if you can call it trying) to create tension by throwing in dinosaurs, glow-in-the-dark birds and a hanful of perilous falls. In one scene, our heroes fall for a good minute ("We're still falling!") , yet survive the fall without a scratch.

But hey, it's a PG-rated action movie that's being shown in 3D (though I only saw it in 2D) - what do you expect? I doubt Verne would be impressed, but a nine-year-old me probably would be.

The Express 3/5

Rated PG. Click here to view the trailer.

(For exclusive coverage of the premier by our Syracuse correspondent, click here and here.)

It’s hard to dump all over a movie that exposes the ugliness of prejudice and unfounded hate while showcasing the triumph of the human spirit, but I’m going to have to do it.

Rob Brown is Ernie Davis, the Syracuse halfback nicknamed The Elmira Express. He overcomes expectations, an inexplicable speech impediment (the movie promptly loses this subplot) and hate to become to become the first African American to win the coveted Heisman Trophy (1961). The movie follows his college career at ‘Cuse and focuses largely on his relationship with coach Ben Schwartwalder, played by Dennis Quaid. Coach Schwartzwalder is racist in a 1960s old-white-guy-who-thinks-he-is-tolerant-of-“negroes”-but-really-isn’t kind of way, although we wouldn’t have much of a movie if Davis’ heart and determination didn’t show him the beauty and value of every human being blah blah blah.

The Express is an OK effort but this same movie has just been done so many times and there's nothing special here, save that it's based on a true story. If you wanted to get picky about it, you might could argue that most movies owe something to previous films in their genre, but the underdog-football-triumph-over-adversity-drama-kum-by-yah thing has been done to death (see Remember the Titans, Any Given Sunday, Brian’s Song, Rudy, Invincible, heck, even The Little Giants).

There is a fairly significant Pride of the Yankees-style “life event” that happens to Davis near the end of the film (it’s common knowledge to any one who knows the story, but I didn’t know it so I won’t spoil it here), but it just tacks on an extra 30 minutes and deflates story that should already be over. Movies aren’t supposed to climax (here, it’s “the big game” vs. vile and racist Texas Longhorns in the Cotton Bowl for the national title, a feat I doubt Syracuse will be repeating this season) near the END of the movie but The Express barrels right on past it and keeps going. Think of it as scoring a touchdown then insisting on wading 20 yards into the stands to give the ball to a poor kid with leukemia. The “life event” would have been fine as a few words scrolling across the screen just before the end credits roll kills all the movie's momentum. Give credit to The Express for not exactly following the formula, but take it right back for failing to tell a good story. The story may be mostly true (more on that in a minute), but this is a feature film, not an HBO documentary narrated by Bob Costas.

Brown is decent at Davis, but he is just so stinking polite and earnest that it’s annoying and begins veer toward unbelievable. Maybe the real Davis was like that, I don't know. Quaid does a great job yelling and providing the only real drama in the movie. Sure, he comes to accept Davis but you know he'd have a conniption if Davis started dating his daughter.

The best acting job is turned in by Omar Benson Miller, who plays Davis’ black teammate, JB. His is actually a much more interesting story. He suffered just as much as Davis, but got none of the glory or recognition. As one of Davis' lineman, you could say he cleared the way for The Elmira Express., but figuratively and literally. I’d like to see a movie about him. I'd also wouldn't mind a movie about Davis' hero, Jim Brown, who preceded him at Syracuse. He undoubtedly faced more adversity and it is universal consensus he was denied the Heisman because of the color of his skin. I'm just not sure Davis merits a movie, rest his soul.

There’s no denying that Davis’ Heisman win was a big step toward racial equality, but does it really necessitate a full-length feature? I don’t mean to diminish his accomplishments. I’m sure a black man winning that award meant more than I can imagine. If I were thrust into his cleats, I would have given up and run home. But, being named the best football player in America doesn’t exactly rank high on my list of Civil Rights Landmarks. Should Halle Berry get a biopic because she was the first black woman to win the Oscar for Best Actress?

I'm picking on the movie for not embellishing the story and making it more movie friendly. "But then it's not true!" That might be, but the movie does take many liberties with reality, so why not take a few more and make a better story? A key moment in the film shows a matchup at West Virginia, where the redneck Mountaineer fans hurl beer bottles and slurs on Davis, thus giving oomph to the whole We Shall Overcome theme. The game on that date was against West Virginia, but it took place at Syracuse and there were no bottles thrown at him (although I do not doubt opposing players took cheap shots). Davis' quarterback, Dick Easterly, saw the movie and had this to say: "I apologize to the people West Virginia because that did not happen. The scene is completely fictitious. We're sitting watching this thing, saying, 'Jeez, where did they get that from?'"

The movie later shows the Orangemen being informed their black teammates cannot attend the Cotton Bowl MVP trophy (which Davis of course won) because the banquet is at an all-white country club. They of course boycott, showing those hillbilly Texans just how much more empathetic Yankees are. In reality, they attended and Davis accepted the trophy.

The movie also shows them riding a bus to that game, seeing racial injustice and Sorrow, riots over school intergration while they ride a bus 1,300 miles through Arkansas. Too bad they actually flew straight from Syracus to Dallas. Once they get to their Dallas hotel, the team's three black players are forced into a dirty broom closet. In reality, they had a suite.

Again, this is a movie and the writers are allowed to play with the truth to tell the story. Quaid reportedly said that "Sometimes if you get all the facts right, you miss the truth." In this case, I agree. Creative mainpulation can enahnce a story. But why make those changes to history and not massage Davis' character to make him more believable? I make this point not to come to the defense of WVU or racists that lived in Oklahoma's dingy basement, but for the sake of Story. For all his obstacles, Davis' rise to glory is just too easy and free of speedbumps. Where's the struggle? At least let his get angry once in a while or show him getting tackled for a loss. Let him get pissed off and punch an opposing player who has been wailing on him all game. Americans wants our heroes to have flaws!

Note: In other Ernie Davis continuity news, a statue of Davis on Syracuse' campus has him wearing shoes that weren't invented yet.

Another note: Easterly apparently agress with me that Jim Brown's story might make a better movie: "I [saw] a lot of things [in The Express] that never were done to Ernie but maybe happened to Jim Brown. Hell, the movie's more about him than Ernie."

A final note: To read more about the movie's inaccuracies (remember, I'm not saying playing with the truth in a movie is neccesarily wrong), and Davis' former teammates' thoughts on the movie, check out this excellent article.

Fireproof, 4/5

Rated PG. Click here to view the trailer.

I can’t tell you how happy I am to report that Christians have finally put together a decent movie. Fireproof is far far far from being a great movie, but for once we’ve done it right.

Growing Pains' pain-in-the-derriere Kirk Cameron is Caleb, a firefighter whose marriage to Catherine (Erin Bethea) is falling apart. He struggles with certain addictions and she has eyes for a doctor at the hospital where she is a PR hack. Excuse me, “PR practitioner.” She doesn’t respect him, but a guy who rescues complete strangers for a living, he doesn’t really deserve it. The both are lousy communicators who can only agree that a divorce is their best bet. This is a Christian movie with wedding rings in the poster, so we know they’re compelled to work things out, courtesy of a fellow firefighter and Caleb’s recently converted father.

I seriously doubt that any souls were saved by the Left Behind movie (another Kirk Cameron vehicle), but there’s an honest chance that this movie could actually make a difference in people’s lives and marriages. Cameron was so intent on maintain the integrity of the film’s message, that in the climactic scene when he and Catherine are supposed to kiss, he persuaded the director to make it a wide angle silhouette shot so he could fly the real Mrs. Cameron out and kiss her instead. I’ve heard some make fun of him for this acting “limitation,” but think it makes an enormously important statement A) about marriage in general and B) that he and the rest of the cast/crew truly believe what they’re saying. For once, this set of Chrsitians can’t be accused of hypocrisy.

Sure, non-Christians will likely find the movie preachy, but I can conceive of someone being legitimately convicted here if they’ll just give it a chance. I’m not the target audience for this movie (it is definitely aimed at couples), but I didn’t get bored, which was a major fear. There were actual twists in the plot that I did not see coming. Had I not lowered my expectations, I might have caught on earlier.

Cameron or Bethea aren’t going to win an Oscar any time soon. There aren’t any stellar thespians in Fireproof’s credits, but for a cast of nobodies with zero acting experience and an 80s child actor, they do a great job. Cameron got on my nerves at first, but he doesn’t do a half bad job. I’m proud of him and happy for him. Bethea is no Dame Judy Dench, but for the daughter of Sherwood Baptist Church’s (the church’s production company produced the film) pastor, she does a pretty respectable job.

It’s a pretty thin plot and the movie feels a little too long, but quite frankly my expectations were so low I’m willing to forgive it all. Sure, things are a little cheesy, but the acting is competent, the directing is competent, the soundtrack is competent, the editing is competent, the special effects and the script is competent. Sometimes I think God is less than thrilled with some of the “art” we produce in His name, but I have to think He probably gives this one a “see it” endorsement. Not that it really matters compared to His, but I give a “see it,” too. This movie doesn’t suck! Hooray!

One final thought: One of the movies flaws (there are a few) is the fire fighters that make up Cameron’s crew. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t meet some of the requirements for entering a firefighting academy, and these guys probably couldn’t either. Let's just say that human fat burns very well.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, 2/5

Rated R. Click here to view the trailer.

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People could win an award for truth in advertising. It certainly delivers on everything it promises in the title.

Sidney Young is a rabble rousing journalist who leaves his London-based tabloid for a job at the ultra-hip, ultra-exclusive Sharps Magazine (based on Vanity Fair). Sharps editor, Clayton Harding (played with relish by Jeff Bridges), is a maverick in the publishing world and puts up with Sidney’s antics, which include alienating the publicists of the very celebrities he’s paid to cover, inviting a C-list celebrity pig to a party and bringing a transvestite stripper to the office. On Bring Your Daughter to Work Day (“I didn’t know! We don’t have BYDTW Day in England!”).

The only person who even begins to appreciate Young and his eccentricities is his immediate editor, Alison (Kirsten Dunst). This is surprising since Young is such a wholly unlikeable bloke. Alison and Sidney develop a shaky friendship (based on La Dolce Vita), but that is derailed when Sidney runs off to pursue the Hollywood sex kitten dujour, Sophie Maes (Megan Fox).

Simon is normally a very funny man, but he’s such an inexplicable jerk in this movie that he ruins whatever comedic capital he had. Kristen Dunst is forgettable as are the numerous cameos by various movie stars who must have had nothing better to do that day. Megan Fox’s character is a Paris Hilton-like, Chihuahua-toting attention junkie, but I can’t tell if it’s because she’s a great actress or if she isn’t acting at all.

The Dolce Vita scenes are sweet and fun. They're one of the few redeeming qualities of this movie. Another is Young's attitude toward journalism. He’s isn’t afraid to piss off his interview subjects and works hard to come up with new and interesting angles and questions. Watching him call an art gallery to get caption information is pretty entertaining. The third is Jeff Bridges. His voice talent alone is worth the price of admission. A final redeeming factor is that this movie introduced me to MGMT’s Time to Pretend.

Based on the book by British alienation specialist Toby Young. The real Mr. Young, as well as Pegg’s version, is the arrogant prick to end all arrogant pricks, with just an ounce charm. He might be fun at an office Christmas party, but only for a few minutes before the trannies and farm animals show up. Mostly it loses viewers alienates movie-goers.

Eagle Eye, 3.5/5

Rated PG-13. Click here to view the trailer.

Pickers of nit and sayers of nay will have plenty to keep them busy during a screening of Eagle Eye. But, if you can allow yourself to settle in and overlook the HUGE lapses in logic and scientific fact, the nit and nay are easily pushed aside and we actually have a decent action movie here.

Shia "One Hand" LaBeouf is Jerry Shaw, a drifting slacker making ends meet by working at the local Kinkos. He comes home after attending his twin brother's funeral to find an apartment full of terrorists' wares and BOOM in bursts Billy Bob Thorton and the FBI.

He escapes soon enough with the help of his cell phone and the disembodied GPS Lady's voice, who takes the idea of Big Brother to a whole 'nother level. Not only can She give precise driving directions looking in on traffic cams ("Accelerate to 52 mph. You will make it though the traffic.") but She can control traffic lights, robot cranes at a junk yard, the power grid, Japanese tour buses and even the home theater department at Circuit City, not to mention eavesdrop on every single cell phone in the country simultaneously.

Big Sister decides Jerry needs a partner, so he is joined by the exceptionally pretty Rachel (Michelle Monaghan), a single mom whose extremely freckled son is going to play his trumpet for the President in Washington, DC. No points for guessing that that detail will become important later on.

There are also discussions of sibling rivalry, government intrusion on personal privacy, the rights and wrongs of fighting terrorism and technology's role in our lives. Frankly the movie doesn't care and so you really should try too hard searching for a coherent theme. We get treated to some very cool footage of Predator UAVs doing their thing. Cars blow up and there is TONS of collateral damage. It steals significantly from 2001: A Space Odyssey, especially as it attempts to tie up all the loose plot strings.

Given the reasoning Big Sister eventually gives for the Rube Goldbergian chase around the country (involving not only planes, trains, automobiles, but also a garbage barge and the aforementioned tour bus), it curious that She would go to such lengths and allow so many civilians to be killed in her wake. SLIGHT PLOT SPOILER: The Voice's eventual targets number 15, but the act of killing them will also kill at least 400 others, not including the sky-high death toll up to that moment.

You should be getting the idea by now. This is not a movie to be shown in Logic 101. Still, I found it pretty darn entertaining. Mr. LaBeouf may be a little bit of a pretty boy, but after Transformers, Indy IV and now this, he's turning a reasonably credible action star. He cracks lame jokes at time when my sense of humor would have been turned off, but hey, it's a movie. Monaghan isn't really required to do much, but what she does is perfectly satisfactory. Thornton is convincing as an FBI agent who, for once, is able to keep an open mind and look at the big picture as he pieces together the puzzle. Special Agent Perez (Rosario Dawson) is there to help, but she gets pretty much lost in the plot.

Eagle Eye is absolutely absurd and has very, very little going for it beyond Michael Bay-style special effects and extremely fast editing. In other words, Kristi Mahaffey would absolutely love it. For once, I agree with her.

Mamma Mia, 1/5

Rated PG-13. Click here to view the trailer.

Good Lord, this is an annoying movie. Amanda Seyfried is kinda cute. The End.

An American Carol, 2/5

Rated PG-13. Click here to view the trailer.

An American Carol has an excellent, excellent premise. It' s a shame the rest of movie can't even begin to live up to it. Why? Let's just say it has country music star Trace Atkins playing the Angel of Death.

Produced and directed by Jerry Zucker (the man behind Airplane! and The Naked Gun), Carol stars Kevin Farley (brother of deceased funny man, Chris) as a Michael Moore-style documentary maker, who, much like the real man, lives for pissing off Republicans. In the movie, he leads a group called "MooveAlong.Org" to ban the Fourth of July. A modern conservative take on Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, the Cratchit to his Scrooge is his nephew, Josh, who is fixing to ship out to Iraq. Just as the chubby filmmaker is beginning to shoot a feature film with some financial backing from some mysterious Afghanis, he falls asleep as is visited by ghosts who escort him through "real" America and he learns what a liberal wimp he has really been.

To say the movie's treatment of modern politics is heavy handed is a severe understatement. Then again, no one ever accused Michael Moore of being subtle either.

There are many conservatives that are great thinkers and artists, but none of them signed up for this movie. There are some relatively big names (Kelsey Grammer as General Patton, Dennis Hopper, Jon Voight as George Washington, Bill O'Reilly as himself and finally Leslie Nielsen) and some relatively small names (Kevin Sorbo, Kevin Farley, a Rosy O'Donnell lookalike) and I will say that the production values aren't horrible. Farley is OK because, let's face it, Michael Moore is a parody waiting to happen.

Things in this movie just don't work. Nielsen's narration was absolutely unnecessary. Even more unnecessary was the absolutely retarded Tiny Tim cadre of characters. I almost want to tell you to see it so you can see just how stupid that part is.

Call me a liberal commie sympathizing pinko if you want (not many have), but I am smart enough to realize that opposing the war doesn't necessarily mean you hate the troops. The movie doesn't. Still, is does paint of positive picture of NASCAR America and I'm tempted give them the benefit of the doubt. To an extent I agree with many of the sentiments this film espouses, even if they sometimes get out of hand.

So, you're also a conservative. Would you like this movie? Is a positive picture of America worth the hiccups? Judge for yourself based on these two scenes:

• ACLU lawyers dressed up as Zombies invade a court room. Grammer, the entire 3rd Mechanized Calvary Division, and Hopper fend them off with shotguns. As a stray shot nicks a copy of the Ten Commandments, Grammer dispatches another lawyer and asks "It is the one about not killing still up there?"
  
  
• Terrorist A calls out to one of his colleagues in a crowd: "Hey, Muhammad!" Every other terrorist answers. Terrorist A: "Dang it. I must remember to use last names. Muhammad Hussein!" Every terrorist answers. Haha.
  

It's not a great or even a good movie. It will do nothing to correct the popular image of Republicans and conservative Christians as ignorant boobs, even if there are some nuggets of truth in there. I must also point out that equating liberalism with wanting banish the Fourth of July is fairly large leap.

Conservative satire is a very hard thing to do, and the brother of a former SNL star and the guy behind "We have clearance, Clarence. Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?" are not the people to do it. Hollywood and America could use a good conservative Dickensian fairy tale, I just wish they'd been smarter about it. All that said, my boss loved it.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, 3.5/5

Rated PG-13. Click here to view the trailer.

The opening lines of Ecclesiastes have Solomon lamenting "Vanity of vanities! All is vanity!" Vanity here means "in vain" and not narcissism. The original Hebrew is more properly translated at wisp of smoke or a puff of breath. All the temporal things man clings to on this planet are futile, pure vanity.

This movie is pure vanity. Call it Garden State Lite. It's nothing too special, but Michael Cera and Kat Dennings, the two titular characters, as well as one very funny drunk elevate it to far more than the sum of its parts or the swiss cheese of its plot holes

Nick is a bass player for a band that can't settle on a name, but most of his time is spent composing mix CDs (the sixth Love Language) for his cheating ex, Tris (Alexis Dziena). Tris immediately tosses each mix, which is then pick up and devoured by Norah. Norah's best friend, Caroline (Ari Graynor), gets drunk. (That's pretty much her only contribution, but she does it very well.)

N&N meet cute in a club (since when are high school seniors allowed to frequent NYC night clubs?) and spend the night alternately chasing a mythical indie rock band named Where's Fluffy? and the drunkenly lost, gum-smacking Caroline. (I love Queen but I'm not sure I'd chase even them around the Five Boroughs until the sun rises.)

As I mentioned, Cera and Dennings are the highlights. Cera continues in his trademark nerdy, uncomfortable, sensitive guy with an incredibly cute girlfriend that began on Arrested Development and continued through Superbad, Juno and now N&N. One wonders if he fears being typecast, but these are the roles he was born to play. Plus he gets to drive a Yugo. I was initially unimpessed by Dennings, but her smile big eyes and awkward jokes won me over.

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist is nothing but cotton candy. It's a cinematic vanity of vanities with a great sound track. But hey, if it's going to be fluff, at least it tastes good.

(Forgive the forced biblical allusion. I just took my first Old Testament history exam and have Ecclesiastes on the brain. That sounds like a disease.)